The Grace of God
by BrilliantDarkness
Summary: There but for the grace of God we all may go. Probably would help to catch up on saga beginning w/Never my love. casefic w/whole team but features Reid, Morgan and Prentiss most. Idea came from Truman Capote quote. Been stuck in my mind. Please review.
1. Chapter 1

**Little note: I know I said the saga begun with "Never My Love" was finished with "X" but I lied. I still felt there was healing to be done for our dear Dr. Reid. Hope you like.**

* * *

Inside of a hospital emergency room, things are relatively calm. It looks to be a slow night and much of the staff is sitting and enjoying some coffee. The admitting clerk is chatting with one of the nurses.

Admitting clerk: So he's finally getting closer to setting a date. At least I have him narrowed down to this calendar year.

The nurse laughs and they both take a dull notice of the sound of the automatic doors opening and closing. There is the shuffling of feet nearing the desk and the admitting clerk begins to look away from the nurse. Before she can look toward the new arrival, she hears a barely audible "help me" and then a thud as the patient hits the floor. There is suddenly a flurry of activity in the ER.

* * *

Morgan is sitting in his office going over the paperwork he now regularly takes from Hotch to allow the older agent additional time with his young son. He hears a soft knock on the frame of his doorway and looking up, he sees Reid looking like someone just summoned to the principal's office. Morgan internalizes a smile as he tries to imagine Reid ever being sent to the office at school.

Reid: You wanted to talk to me, Morgan?

Reid looked like he thought he was in trouble but also bewildered as to what he might have done to cause such a thing.

Morgan: Yeah, c'mon in. Close the door.

Reid did as instructed and slunk over to one of the chairs opposite Morgan's desk. Morgan's smile faded a bit. He hadn't wanted to frighten Reid; he merely wanted to be able to speak freely with his friend and colleague without the prying ears of the rest of the office.

Morgan: Kid, you okay with the door closed?

Morgan knew what Reid's psychological evaluation said but he also knew that any of the agents could pass those any day of the week barring anything short of a complete psychotic break. He had observed Reid in the office and in the field. There was no doubt Reid was still dealing with some level of PTSD.

Reid: Yeah.

Morgan took notice of the younger agent's furtive glance at the door as if reassuring himself the escape route was still there.

Morgan: I thought you'd like to know that the full investigation into the Thomas Hastings shooting has concluded. It's as we all knew it would be; a clean shoot.

Reid nodded.

Morgan couldn't stand this anymore.

Morgan: You'd tell me if there was something bugging you, right?

Reid simply nodded and stole another quick look at the door obviously wishing himself on the other side of it.

Morgan: Why are you lying to me, man? You really think we weren't going to notice something was off with you? We're profilers! Not like we'd need to be to see through that flimsy façade.

Reid: You want in the loop, Morgan? Fine. I hate the door being closed. I hate how irrational that is. I hate that every place I am I have to know where all the doors are and what I could conceivably use as a weapon. I hate how out of control I am. Do you know that I have blackened my girlfriend's eyes more than once because she was trying to comfort me through a nightmare? And I really hate talking to any of you about it because you found me there in that state.

Reid's voice had become shrill through his tirade and now he fought to regain his composure through ragged breath.

Reid: Is that what you wanted to know?

The last was said so softly that Morgan had to lean forward to hear.

Morgan: It is actually. You know you can still talk to me. You've got no shame here, man. You need to know that. No one outside the team knows the details and with Karsten's guilty plea to the other murder and kidnap charges, those bits of info will never see the light of day without you saying it. As for the team, we are your family. You can still look us in the eyes and you'll only ever see support for you. And whatever you tell me, I'm not going to take the job from you. I know it's helping you get some sense of normalcy back. You're doing good work and there is no reason at all to take you off the job or out of the field.

Reid looked at the floor. Morgan spoke again, his voice much softer.

Morgan: How's Maggie?

Reid: She's amazing. What she can do with make up is mind blowing. I don't think anyone at the college has noticed the bruises. She's far better than I deserve.

Morgan: Nah. She just loves you. That's pretty hard to find in this world but you deserve it.

The door opens and Hotch leans in.

Hotch: Grab your bags. We have a case. J.J. will brief us on the jet.

The door closes.

Morgan: Well, so much for my plans of male bonding over lunch.

The two head for the door and as Reid reaches for the knob, Morgan puts a hand on his thin shoulder. This causes Reid's head to jerk around, his eyes momentarily terror stricken; Morgan looks apologetically at his friend.

Morgan: Sorry. I just wanted to make sure you remember what I said. I'm still here for you, man.

Reid: I've got it. Eidetic memory, remember?

Morgan: Okay, so I know you won't forget…just don't disregard it either.


	2. Chapter 2

Reid's voice: "The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved."-Mother Theresa

The agents are just getting themselves situated on the jet as J.J. begins her briefing of the case at hand.

J.J.: Last night Angela Bellows, 17, made her way into the ER. Her face and head were burned beyond recognition, she was missing two fingers on each hand and etched across her chest—it looks to have been burned in with acid—was the word "bitch."

Rossi: How did she make it to the hospital?

J.J.: Local police seem to think she was dropped off close enough for her to walk even in her condition but outside of security camera range. She was dressed in an outdated prom dress and a tiara.

Reid: Like a living body disposal.

Morgan: The unsub is making a statement. I don't know what he's saying but you don't do all that without putting some thought into it.

Hotch: Angela Bellows wasn't the first.

J.J.: No. The first was Kellen Darcy also 17. He walked into the ER nearly a week ago. The victims had each been missing for about 3 days before showing up in the ER. Kellen came in wearing cleats and football pads. He was put into a medically induced coma which he was just brought out of yesterday.

Hotch: So we can talk to him?

J.J.: Yes.

Prentiss: Were his injuries the same as Angela's?

J.J.: Mostly, except for the acid burn. On his chest was "jock."

Rossi: Given the victims, I think I already know but was there any sexual assault?

J.J.: Angela showed signs of penetration. No biologicals were recovered and the rape kit was inconclusive. She could have had consensual sex before being abducted.

Morgan: No assault on Kellen?

J.J. shakes her head.

J.J.: But his penis was attached to his abdomen using hot glue.

The men wince visibly.

Hotch: Can Angela be interviewed?

J.J.: No. She's in a coma like Kellen was.

Reid: Were there signs that they had been drugged?

J.J.: There were small traces of rohypnol in the systems of both victims. It seemed to have been mostly metabolized.

Reid: So Angela could have been raped and the drugs could explain the lack of visible physical trauma.

Hotch: Reid, you and Prentiss go to the hospital. Talk to Kellen and the families of both kids. Also see what the doctors can tell you. Morgan, Rossi—you two check out the places each kid was last seen. See what you might find out about the abductions. J.J., see what the locals have. We need to keep this from becoming a widespread panic. I'll see if I can get anything from friends and teachers at the school.

The agents all nod and drift into their own minds. Morgan slides into the seat across from Reid.

Morgan: What's turning around in that big old brain of yours?

Reid: You know I don't actually have a larger brain than anyone else, Morgan.

Morgan: Stop deflecting and tell me what you have.

Reid: Hotch's interviews aren't going to turn up a steady boyfriend for Angela.

Morgan: How do you know?

Reid: Her hymen was very freshly torn. Too recent to have been consensual and before her abduction.

Morgan: Angela Bellows was a virgin?

Reid nods with a haunted look on his face.

Morgan: She's in for some kind of hell when she wakes up isn't she?

Reid nods again obviously not trusting his own voice amid his swirling thoughts.

Morgan: Can you talk to me about what you're thinking right now?

Reid simply shakes his head and then very slightly nods a gesture to the rest of the team. Without words saying that he doesn't want to open this particular issue on the jet surrounded by his team.

Morgan: You will, when you can?

Reid nods and gives a small smile.

* * *

Hotch stands in the office of the school that both Angela and Kellen attend. He immediately identifies an exhausted looking woman whose eyes are red and puffy although she is careful to not allow anyone to actually see her cry. Hotch approaches her.

Hotch: Principal Wynn? I'm Special Agent Aaron Hotchner with the FBI. Do you have a minute?

Principal Wynn actually looks relieved to have an excuse to retreat to her office; even though she won't be there alone. She ushers Hotch into her office and gestures to a chair.

Hotch: Principal Wynn, I know what a hectic time this must be for you and your school. I am very sorry for what you are dealing with. We unfortunately see a lot of cases like this and if we can assist you in any way to help your students and staff through this time, please let me know.

Principal Wynn: Thank you Agent Hotchner.

Hotch: I need to get some basic background information on Angela Bellows and Kellen Darcy. We are trying to figure out why they may have been targeted. I'm trying to find out what kind of students they are and what extracurricular activities they are into.

Principal Wynn: They're decent students. They have to be at least that. They're both athletes. Angela swims and runs track and Kellen plays football and baseball. I guess you could say they're both part of the popular crowd. Angela was on the homecoming court this year.

Hotch hands his card to the principal.

Hotch: Thank you for your time. I really am sorry to disturb you while you already have your hands so full. Again, if we can be of any assistance, do not hesitate to call.

At this he takes his leave already pondering the information he had just been given.


	3. Chapter 3

Prentiss and Reid are walking down a hospital corridor.

Prentiss: You want Kellen or the parents?

Reid doesn't even pause to think.

Reid: Kellen.

At Kellen's room the two agents enter with Prentiss leading the way. Reid knows if she walks in first, she will handle the introductions and he can get away with a little wave from the doorway. He really doesn't like to shake hands.

Prentiss: Mr. & Mrs. Darcy? I'm Emily Prentiss and this is Dr. Spencer Reid. We're with the FBI.

Mrs. Darcy: The FBI? Oh my!

Prentiss: We're profilers ma'am. We're helping the police try to find the man who did this to your son. I really could use your help. Do you think you could take a little walk down the hall with me so that we could speak privately?

Mrs. Darcy looks uncertainly at her son.

Prentiss: Dr. Reid can stay with Kellen. I'm sure the two of you could use a break and maybe some coffee.

Prentiss leads the Darcy's out of the room and Reid sits down next to the hospital bed where Kellen is laying.

Kellen: Doctor? Does that mean you can translate those stupid charts for me?

Reid: I'm not really that kind of doctor but I probably can figure out what the charts say if you have questions.

Kellen: So what kind of doctor are you?

Reid: I um, actually have three doctorates; engineering, mathematics and chemistry.

Kellen tries to laugh but ends up wincing in pain.

Reid: Can I get you anything?

Kellen: It'll pass. You aren't just keeping me company are you?

Reid: No, I have questions. We thought you might have an easier time talking about this if you weren't worried about your parents becoming upset. You were abducted while jogging?

Kellen: Yeah, it was my usual route. Something tangled around my ankle and I fell. I felt a sharp pain in my head and then everything was dark.

Reid: Did you ever see your captor?

Kellen: Yes and no. He wore a mask. He was thin, like you but maybe not as tall. Really pale.

Reid: How about where you were held?

Kellen: Musty smelling, dark, even with the lights on. Dirt floor. It made me think of a cellar.

Reid: Can you tell me anything about the car he drove you to the hospital in?

Kellen: Couldn't see much. My eyes were swollen and I was kinda out of it from the drugs. When he dropped me off, he told me simply that I should just walk toward the lights. It was about a block away from the hospital. I tried to look at the car but I really couldn't see any details. Not even the color. The interior was tan and it was some sort of SUV. I know that much.

Reid: Did he keep you drugged?

Kellen: On and off. I was tied up so even when I was conscious I couldn't do anything. I was awake when he burned me and for everything else.

Kellen turns his head toward the window and Reid sees a shadow cross the young man's face that is hauntingly familiar.

Reid: Kellen, were you sexually assaulted?

Kellen remains silent.

Reid: Your parents don't need to know. I can keep it out of official reports but I really need to know what happened to you. Everything he did helps us form the profile that could catch him. Did he assault you?

Kellen: No, I mean, yes but he used something else to, you know.

Reid: He used a foreign object?

Kellen nods.

Reid: You should know that the quick profile of that act does not lead to a conclusion of sex per se. It looks to purely be an act to further humiliate you.

Kellen: It worked.

Reid: I know you're strong and you could get through this alone but I don't recommend it. There will be counselors around to help you through the attack and kidnapping. They'll be here anyway. You really should talk to them. They have to keep anything you say confidential.

Kellen nods but looks distant.

Reid: You should rest. If you remember anything else, just call.

Kellen: Dr. Reid?

Reid turns around.

Kellen: Is it true he got Angie too? Angie Bellows?

Reid: Yes. She just came into the ER last night. She's in a coma like you were.

Kellen: She's going to be okay, right?

Reid: The doctors are trying to stay hopeful for the family but she lost a lot of blood. She's smaller than you and the loss of blood is more significant.

Kellen: So she might die?

Reid nods solemnly.

Kellen: Damn. That's messed up.

* * *

**Okay, thank you for reading now follow the arrow and click the little green button and let me know what you think. -J**


	4. Chapter 4

Reid is walking toward the entrance to the police station, largely lost in his own thoughts.

Morgan: Hey Reid!

Reid looks up to see Morgan leaning against the front of one of the Bureau's SUV's a few yards away. Morgan motions for Reid to come over and Reid obliges.

Reid: Did you and Rossi find anything at the abduction sites?

Morgan: Nothing whatsoever at Angela's but where Kellen was taken, we found a trip wire and a bloody rock. They are being processed right now.

Reid: This unsub's pretty smart. I don't think they'll find any prints or epithelials.

Morgan: Neither do I. That's not what I wanted to talk to you about anyway.

Reid shifts uncomfortably. He knows where this is going.

Morgan: You're not trapped. There's no closed door and the rest of the team isn't here. I know you can relate to what Angela's going to be going through.

Reid: It's not because of me or what I went through. Don't think ill of me for telling you this. She tells every incoming freshman class about this—

Morgan: She? You mean Maggie?

Reid: She lost her virginity to a rapist, Morgan. What should have been something beautiful or at least something that was her choice was just taken. It was long ago and she's recovered remarkably. She's what lets me know that I eventually will be okay too. But sometimes I can see the hurt in her still.

Morgan obviously doesn't know how to react to this revelation.

Reid: Kellen was sexually assaulted as well. The unsub used a foreign object. Looks like he's just pulling out all of the stops to humiliate his victims.

Morgan is still trying to catch up with the conversation.

Morgan: I guess I needn't have worried about Maggie's ability to help you.

Reid: I think it brought up a lot of feelings for her that she hadn't dealt with in a while but she knew exactly where my head was. I feel terrible for making her relive those long ago put away feelings but I know I couldn't have made it through without her.

Morgan: I'm liking this woman more every time you talk about her.

Reid: Did you really read a physics text to me on the jet back from Ohio?

Morgan: It was all I could find. I didn't know what to say to you but I needed you to know you weren't alone.

Reid: Thank you. By the way, Maggie would like to have you over for dinner sometime if you don't mind the trek to Williamsburg. Her cooking is more than worth it.

Morgan: Must be, I've noticed you putting on a much needed pound or two.

Reid smiles. The two have been walking toward the building and are just at the door. Morgan claps Reid on the shoulder in a brotherly gesture causing Reid to stiffen and hold his breath for a moment.

Morgan: Sorry.

Reid: Don't be. I'd rather readjust myself to you treating me normal than have you keep treating me like I'm broken.

Before Morgan can respond to this, Hotch approaches the pair. It is obvious he is not bringing glad tidings.

Hotch: Another girl is missing. And Angela Bellows has taken a turn for the worse. She's still hanging on though.

* * *

The team is trying to piece together all of the information they have accumulated into a cohesive profile.

Hotch: Again, what do we have? It's not that there's any shortage of information from this unsub.

Rossi: If anything, he's giving us too much. There is so much going on here it's hard to figure out what's important.

Reid: It's all important. Everything he does is telling a part of his story.

Morgan: We just have to figure out what he's saying.

Prentiss: We know these victims were specifically targeted. Every one of them was doing something routine for them.

Reid: We know he's trying to not only inflict a great amount of pain but also to cause shame and long term damage that the victims will have to live with.

Morgan: J.J., who is the new victim again?

J.J.: Bridget Newsome. She's 16. She was last seen leaving an ice skating lesson in the early morning. When she missed all of her classes at school they finally realized that her car had never left the rink parking lot.

Hotch: It's late. We are accomplishing nothing here. Everyone go and get some sleep. I'll see you all first thing in the morning.

The team begrudgingly shuffles out toward their waiting hotel beds.

* * *

**Me again! Okay, I have a pretty good idea where this story is going but would love to know what everyone out there is thinking. Please! Don't make me beg, it'll just be a really ugly scene. -J**


	5. Chapter 5

**Note from me: Itallics are dream sequences. This is my take on the infamous Alexa Lisbon/Harper Hillman affair mentioned in the episode "Elephant's Memory." **

Back in his hotel room, Reid is having a hard time falling asleep. He just knows he is missing something and cannot figure out how that's possible. It's not as if a single detail could have escaped his notice. There must be a way to connect all of these pieces but the more he tries to think about it all, the more his brain hurts. Finally he is able to fall into a fitful sleep.

* * *

_12 year old Spencer Reid, pre-doctorate and for that matter pre-pubescent, walked toward the field house of his high school. A breeze ruffled his hair and he shivered. His mother was right when she told him to take a sweater this morning. It was unseasonably cold for Vegas and he trudged along mentally kicking himself for disregarding his mother's advice. He didn't know why he resisted the sweater anyway. It couldn't have possibly made him look any dorkier than his normal state. He had been in the library, his only safe haven anywhere in the world when he had felt a tap on his shoulder. Spencer had turned around to find himself staring directly into a pair of breasts; breasts that were straining at an unnaturally tight top. Perfect, round objects that recently he had been noticing and desiring in the darker recesses of his mind. He blushed and looked up quickly to see who this particular set of breasts belonged to. Harper Hillman looked down at him knowing full well that he had been checking out her boobs. Hell, every male within 50 feet of her was checking out her boobs. It's not like she was wearing that shirt by mistake. But this was a creepy, geeky little dork; she certainly didn't want him checking her out. She frowned and furrowed her brow briefly before pasting a smile back onto her face. It was a display that an almost 30 year old Spencer would have seen right through but at 12 he was certainly no profiler._

_Harper: You're Spencer, Spencer Reid, right?_

_Spencer nodded._

_Harper: Alexa Lisbon sent me to find you._

_Reid was puzzled. Perfect, beautiful, angelic, cheerleading, homecoming queen Alexa Lisbon wanted Harper to find him? He thought to calculate the odds that there was another Alexa Lisbon in the greater Las Vegas area who might know both Spencer and Harper and decided those odds would be too astronomical to be contemplated. _

_Harper: She wants you to know she's waiting behind the field house._

_When Spencer looked even more bewildered Harper elaborated._

_Harper: You know, to make out with you?_

_Again, 29 year old Spencer would have seen all of the indicators of deception. Harper wasn't that good of a liar. Truth be told, this was one of the incidents in his life that caused him to crave a greater knowledge of body language and vocal inflection. Poor 12 year old Spencer did not possess this knowledge or the life experiences to be suspicious._

_Reid: Thank you, Harper._

_Spencer walked away so as not to keep Alexa waiting any longer. If only he had looked behind him he would have seen how Harper rolled her eyes as she pointed and laughed with her friends. Even a socially awkward 12 year old could have understood that._

_Spencer looked up from the intent study of his feet as he placed them one in front of the other to see that he had reached his destination. Sure enough, there was Alexa looking like a goddess. Spencer began to approach her. He took no more than five steps before he was surrounded by large male bodies in football jerseys and letter jackets. They encircled him and all began to push and jab at him hurling names and insults._

_"Geek" "Nerd" "Loser" _

_"You think Alexa really wants to have anything to do with a geeky little dweeb like you?"_

_Spencer fought the tears. One of the players grabbed him harshly by the arm while another tore his shirt from his body. Yet another took the waist of his pants and in one motion yanked, removing both pants and underwear. He tried to struggle but with one husky football player holding his wrists and another his ankles, it was a losing battle._

_"Hey, look at this Lexa! The scrawny little geek thought you'd want some of this."_

_Fighting the tears ceased being an option once he realized he was naked; not just naked in front of the other guys in the gym locker room but in front of well, he was pretty sure it was the whole student body. He was vaguely aware he was being carried. Through his tears he could see that he had been brought to the football field. Before he could even react, he was tied to the goalpost. He could hear the laughter as he struggled; heard it increase volume as he pleaded to be let go. He fought against his restraints less to escape than to free his hands to cover his, as yet, undeveloped genitals._

* * *

Reid wakes in his hotel room drenched in sweat. That was certainly different. He was used to nightmares. For a while they were of dead bodies or children being stalked by monsters. Most recently the dreams had all been of the cabin in the Ohio woods. He would dream of Stanley Karsten stroking his hair, his body, the sensations were so real even in the dreams he could still feel them. Then they would end the same, with the sharp pain as Karsten entered him and the way that pain renewed and intensified with each and every thrust. When he was lucky, Maggie would be able to wake him at the start of the pain. When she couldn't, he would wake up screaming as he remembered Karsten's final thrust into his body. So this dream was at least better than that. There was no pain response memory. But he hadn't dreamt of the great, or really not so great, Alexa Lisbon incident in quite some time. Even when he thought of it during the day, it did not invade his dreams. So why in the world was he dreaming about that now? Realization hits him hard, almost knocking him over and he grabs his phone frantically.

* * *

The team, bleary eyed, is reassembled at the police station each gripping their respective coffee mugs as if the black liquid was a magic elixir than would stave off death and evil spirits.

Hotch: Reid, it's 3 a.m.

Reid: I'm sorry but were any of you actually getting decent sleep?

The silence was enough of an answer.

Reid: Humiliation.

Rossi: Again, Reid, it is 3 in the morning; way too early for riddles.

Reid: You wanted to know what parts of the signature were of the greatest importance. Humiliation is the key component. Everything he does is a means to further that end.

Prentiss: I see where you're heading with this. Do you think the victims are the actual targets of his rage?

Reid: More likely they are surrogates.

Hotch: You two want to get the profile ready to deliver when the rest of the living world joins us later this morning?

Prentiss and Reid nod at each other and set to work.


	6. Chapter 6

The profile briefing:

Reid is clearly nervous. He couldn't for the life of him figure out why this still made him so anxious. He had been part of hundreds, if not thousands, of profile briefings and was even teaching now. Speaking in front of people shouldn't bother him at all anymore. But then he wasn't usually running the briefing, he could usually get away with just standing there and interjecting his points here and there. And he taught statistical analysis so it wasn't like anyone expected him to be cool or funny or even all that interesting. He had only been asked to take the lead on a handful of profile briefings and every time he felt unprepared even though he was anything but. Luckily he had Prentiss with him and she knew how shy and nervous he was by nature. Reid sighs in relief as Prentiss starts talking. She knew that he would have no trouble jumping in once things were rolling.

Prentiss: This unsub profiles like a revenge killer. Except for the fact that he doesn't kill. He doesn't seem to want to kill.

Reid: The victims represent people who harmed the unsub; caused him humiliation.

Prentiss: The injuries to the victims are meant to mimic the abuse he suffered.

Police Officer: Abuse? Like his parents?

Reid: No. Abuse from classmates; our unsub was most likely horribly bullied as a child.

Prentiss: And we're not talking about name calling or theft of lunch money. This would have been severe; physical assaults that left the unsub psychologically scarred, perhaps physically scarred as well.

Reid: He is now feeling the need to physically scar others. We know from Kellen Darcy's account that he is very pale and of slight build—and no, I am not the unsub. I have an alibi.

There is a small amount of laughter from the assembled law enforcement.

Reid: He's more than likely in his mid-twenties to mid-thirties. This is something that has been festering inside of him for a long time.

Prentiss: He's smart. I would expect we'll find he was, and perhaps still is an academic over-achiever.

Reid: Probably successful in his career and he would have thought that he came out on top of all of those who tormented him. But something happened to make him feel high school still wasn't behind him. Perhaps a relationship broke up or he was passed over for promotion. He may see that the person chosen over him, either for affection or his profession is like the people who were cruel.

Prentiss: This is someone with a very flexible work schedule. He stalks his victims to know their routines. Stalking is very nearly a full-time job in itself. He either lives alone in a free standing house with a cellar or he has unfettered access to such a place. He keeps his victims for days and there would be noise with the things he does to them.

Reid: It's possible someone saw him lurking around where the kids were abducted. Agent Jareau is going to issue a statement with this profile to the media and there will be phone lines set up for the public to contact us. But we also need all of you out there canvassing.

Prentiss: Thank you. That's all.

Hotch walks over to Prentiss and Reid.

Hotch: Good job. Is there something you left out Reid?

Hotch sees that Reid has a frown on his face, the kind he gets when he is thinking about something he should have thought of before.

Reid: No, but I think I need to have Garcia check on something.

He dials his phone.

Garcia: Did you stop loving me?

Reid: What?

Garcia: You guys got on the plane and I didn't hear from anyone after that. I thought maybe you stopped loving me. It made me feel very sad.

Reid: No, I mean, well…

Garcia: I'm only teasing Reid. Now tell Mama what you need, sweetie.

Reid: Something Emily just said in the briefing, that the injuries to the victims in some way mimic whatever the unsub endured as a kid. Go back about ten or fifteen years. See if you can find cases of similar burns, sexual assault, anything.

Garcia: Call you when I find something.

* * *

Later while the team is processing leads that have been called in after J.J.'s press conference, Prentiss is standing next to Reid as they are both getting coffee.

Prentiss: Ever fantasize about it?

Reid: What?

Prentiss: What the unsub is doing—getting revenge.

Reid: When I was younger, I'm sure I thought about it. I guess it doesn't occupy my mind the way it did back then.

Prentiss: Same here.

Reid looks utterly shocked.

Reid: I know why I was targeted but you? I mean you're, well, pretty. Not that, um, well, what I mean is…

Prentiss laughs.

Prentiss: It's okay. Thank you for the compliment by the way. It's sweet of you to say that. Pretty doesn't always matter. Or it's not the only thing that matters. I was always the new kid in school. We never lived anywhere long enough for me to be anything else. So, I was always trying to fit in and be accepted. Unfortunately the way I went about it sort of backfired.

Reid: I don't understand.

Prentiss: And you call yourself a profiler. I put out, Reid; a lot. When I was 15 I had an abortion. My locker always had "slut" or some other even less nice variation written on it. And more than once, well, let's just say that the sex wasn't always my idea. I won't go as far as to say I was raped because I never said no and that's not really fair but…

Her voice trails away.

Reid: I'm really sorry, Emily.

Prentiss: Thanks, Reid, just know that you're not the only one with those kinds of memories.

She squeezes his arm and then walks away to join the rest of the team.


	7. Chapter 7

**Okay, so those reading "The Fragile and the Broken" will recognize events in this chapter. I think you can muddle through even if you haven't read that though.**

Reid's phone rings, he briefly glances at the caller ID and then puts it on speaker.

Reid: Hey Garcia, Morgan's here too.

Garcia: Ooh! Two sexy men at once; I'll try to control myself.

Morgan: Behave yourself, girl.

Garcia: You're no fun. So I did your search and came up with a giant pile of nothing. I went back even farther and expanded the geographic parameters but still nothing. I'm sorry, Reid.

Reid: It's okay, Garcia. Thanks anyway.

Reid rubs at his eyes trying to think.

Morgan: Hey, Reid? Remember you told me about that incident in school, the goalpost and—

Reid: Yeah.

Morgan: You never told anyone about it.

Reid: I was ashamed and I thought if I didn't tell then it would mean it never happened.

Morgan: Maybe our unsub felt the same way.

Reid: Do you think he could have suffered burns and other injuries like this without medical care?

Morgan: Not if he really lost fingers only because someone would have noticed that. But the rest of the injuries could be endured, especially if they happened over time and were able to heal between incidents.

Reid: Great, now how do we find him?

Morgan: I have no idea.

* * *

Later Reid is sitting at a desk with a large stack of tips that had been called in. He is trying to at least narrow down which ones are even worth having Garcia check out. A few desks away Hotch is just getting off of his phone. Hotch looks disturbed and even a little uncertain about what to do. Morgan is near and Hotch grips Morgan's elbow speaking into his ear. They converse briefly and soon Morgan wears the same unsure and upset expression as his superior. As their conversation ends, Hotch nods solemnly at something Morgan says and then goes to where Rossi stands and engages him in conversation as well. Morgan heads toward Reid.

Morgan: You finding anything?

Reid: I've got maybe twenty names for Garcia to look into and a stack of maybe fifty more that I haven't even read through yet.

Morgan: Looks like you need a break. Hotch and the others will finish this. Come on, I'll buy you a drink.

Reid shakes his head.

Reid: Thanks but I can do this.

Morgan: I never said you couldn't. I need to talk to you about something. You're not going to want to be here when I tell you—and you're probably going to want a good stiff drink in front of you when you hear this.

Reid looks at Morgan for some clue.

Morgan: I really don't think we should do this here. And Hotch is ordering you out of here right now. You'll be back in the morning and you can start fresh. I promise.

Reid: Fine.

* * *

At the hotel bar, Reid and Morgan have taken an out of the way table where it is quiet enough to talk.

Reid: So what's going on, Morgan?

Morgan: Stanley Karsten was found hanging in his prison cell. He's dead, man.

Reid: How could--?

Morgan: He tore up his sheets to braid into rope.

Reid: But he took that plea to avoid the death penalty.

Morgan: That was his lawyers. I guess he got some clarity and knew what he'd done. He couldn't live with it. He left a note. It was to you. They'll be sending a copy to us, well, to you so you can read it.

Reid: Is this supposed to make me feel all better?

Morgan: I don't know how you're supposed to feel. All I knew was that you didn't need to be trying to figure out how this made you feel while sitting in a police station looking at tips about other men who had been brutalized.

Reid: I need some air.

Reid bolts out of the bar and through the lobby stopping only when he is on the sidewalk in front of the hotel. It didn't take any time at all for Morgan to be right there next to his friend.

Morgan: You okay, man?

Reid: Yes, no…I really don't know. I can't figure out how I feel.

Morgan: Look, I'm here, man. If you need to talk, sort anything out, I'm listening.

Reid: I feel really conflicted. So much has happened…

Morgan: I don't follow you. I mean I know what happened in the cabin but that's not what you're talking about is it?

Reid: No. It's…oh God, where do I start?

Morgan: First you come here and sit down.

He gestures to a bench nearby.

Morgan: Then you take a deep breath and start wherever you need to, I'll try to follow you as best as I can.

Reid: It's what this has done to me. And I don't just mean the nightmares or the jumpiness. I mean it's how this has turned me into something I never thought I could be. And that is a not good thing at all.

Morgan: I really need you to elaborate, kid.

Reid: I…well…you can't ever repeat this and Maggie can never know I told you anything. She'd be furious with me.

Morgan: This is just between us.

Reid: While I was on leave, something happened. It was after a nightmare. I-I…Damn it! I really don't want to say this. It's so hard to admit to.

Morgan: Take your time, Reid. I'm not going anywhere.

Reid toughens his resolve. He needs to get this off his chest. When he speaks it is barely audible.

Reid: I raped her.

Morgan: What was that? I don't think I heard right because it sounded like you said you—

Reid: I became him. I hurt the most precious thing in this world to me.

Morgan: Whoa, slow down. Back this train up because I think I missed something.

Reid: I guess some sick part of me thought I had something to prove. I hurt her. Physically she was actually injured. I left finger marks on her and bruises and I tore her—and she was terrified of me. I became that guy that scares women. I made her feel unsafe in her own home. I made her relive every bit of the pain she endured when she was younger and I added to it too. Because she trusted me, it was actually worse, what I did to her.

Morgan: Wait, you never left her house. If this happened—wouldn't she have called the police or at least sent you away?

Reid: She didn't want to send me off where there wasn't anyone to take care of me. I was banished to the guest room for a night but she never put me out. I tried to leave. You almost got a call to come get me.

Morgan: She knew that it wasn't really you; knew it wasn't your nature. She knew you would never intentionally hurt her.

Reid: That's what she said, over and over. I didn't deserve her kindness and I still wonder if I deserve a woman as wonderful as she is.

Morgan: Obviously she thinks so.

Reid: She doesn't think she's anything special. She doesn't think she's pretty. She always says that she won't leave me because I put up with her crazy. She's not crazy, she's charmingly eccentric.

Morgan: Sounds like you two are a perfect match. So wait, when we all got together for that picnic so that we could all officially meet her, was that before or after this happened?

Reid: After, two days after.

Morgan: She's some kind of actress; she didn't act afraid of you or angry.

Reid: She wasn't. I guess she wasn't anymore. Do you know that she wanted me back in her bed because she couldn't sleep without me? How odd is that?

Morgan: As I said, she knew that this wasn't your true nature. She's a smart woman.

Reid: I guess.

Morgan: You need to learn that the fairer sex isn't the weaker one. If I've learned one thing from my mother and sisters, it's that they are stronger than we are in nearly every way possible. How's she going to react to this news?

Reid: I have no idea.

Morgan: You should call her. You okay to go back to your room? I'm not leaving you if you still need me here.

Reid: Yeah, I'm okay.

Morgan: You call me or one of us if you need anything at all.

Reid nods and manages a half smile.

* * *

Maggie: He what?!?

Reid: I know you heard me.

Maggie: Are you okay, Sweet Prince?

Reid: I'm not sure.

Maggie: Conflicted?

Reid: Very. How do you feel?

Maggie: I guess conflicted too. I'm glad he's not alive to ever have the slightest chance of hurting you again but at the same time, it's almost like he got off too easy. And then I also know that he won't stop haunting you just because he's dead. Oh, my poor dear. I just wish I could wrap you up in my arms. How's the case coming?

Reid: Nice segue. It's for the most part not coming at all. We have a really good profile but he has another kid and we have nothing as far as leads to find him.

Maggie: You will. I know it.

Reid: I surely hope so. I know what he's doing to her right now.

Maggie: You can't think about that. It'll cloud your mind. You just clear your head and you'll sort it all out. I have faith in you.

Reid: Thank you, Maggie. I love you.

Maggie: I love you too.


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning Reid walks into the station to find his colleagues acting rather odd. Not a single one would meet his eyes and yet every one of them seemed very happy and possibly even surprised to see him. They knew about Karsten, of course. Did they think he would just run away, never to be heard from again or maybe that he would do himself harm? He went into a small conference room and then leaned out to the rest of the team.

Reid: Can you guys come in here please?

The team follows him into the room and he closes the door. Morgan takes quick notice of the faint trace of fear in Reid's eyes as the door clicks shut.

Reid: I'm aware that you all must, by now know of Stanley Karsten's death. It's something that I still don't quite know how I feel about. I'll work it out though and I'll not be doing anything rash or irrational in the process. What I would really like to do right now is find this unsub and where he is keeping Bridget.

With that Reid leaves the room and begins to sort through the notes that had been made on the evidence board during his absence the previous night. He can hear one of the team approaching him.

Hotch: Sorry Reid, we forget you are much stronger than we give you credit for.

Reid merely nods an acceptance to the apology.

Reid: Did you find any possibles last night?

Prentiss: A few, Garcia's running them now.

Rossi: What are you thinking, kid?

Reid: That this is Bridget's last day with him.

Hotch: I suppose if all else fails we can stakeout the hospital and wait for him to drop her off.

Reid: He won't take her there. He'll find another way. He'll leave her somewhere she'll be sure to be found or he'll drop her somewhere and call 911 when he's long gone. He knows that we could just sit and wait for him so he won't go there. He's way too smart.

Presently a woman approaches the agents. Her eyes are rimmed with red as she has obviously been crying a lot.

Woman: You guys are the FBI agents working on the case with those kids who were taken, right?

Hotch: Yes, I'm Agent Hotchner and this is my team.

Woman: Nina Summers, I think I might know who you are looking for.

Hotch: Please have a seat Ms. Summers.

Nina: Thank you, Nina, please.

Prentiss: What makes you think you know who's doing this?

Nina: It was the description that agent over there gave at the press conference.

Nina nods at J.J.

Nina: I didn't want to believe it. I tried to convince myself that I was imagining but really you described Dylan perfectly.

Rossi: And who exactly is Dylan?

Nina: Dylan Hadley my ex-boyfriend. He's very smart; he has a PhD—two actually. But he's real messed up too.

Morgan: Messed up, how?

Nina: Well, I guess he never really fit in with his own age group growing up and I don't think he had much support in dealing with that as a kid. I know they say kids are cruel but the bunch he went to school with took it to a whole new level.

Reid: How do you mean?

Nina: He had nightmares and talked all the time about how hard it was and how he was surprised there weren't more school shootings with the bullying that was allowed to go on. And he had scars all over his body. Some were burns but across his chest it looked like it had been carved in with a knife, the word "loser."

Rossi: How long ago did the two of you break up?

Nina: About a month ago, he was a nice guy and attractive, of course I really like the smart guys. But I just couldn't live with the ghosts of those kids who hurt him and I couldn't convince him to get counseling to try to deal with it. Besides when it came down to it, we had no interests in common.

The realization seems to slap Nina across the face.

Nina: Oh my God! You don't think…he's not hurting those kids because of me, is he?

Rossi: No. This is not your fault.

* * *

Morgan is looking at a laptop on a desk that has magically become a window to Garcia's colorful corner of the world.

Morgan: Go ahead, Baby Girl.

Garcia: Well, just perusing the known vital statistics on one Dylan Hadley leads one to believe that out own junior genius had a twin from whom he was separated at birth. And I don't just mean they look alike which they do if you kinda squint.

Reid: Garcia…

Garcia: Sorry, babe, I got a little sidetracked. Okay, this guy grew up in a single parent home with just his mom. Dad bailed on them. Dylan was uberbrilliant though it took him until 15 to graduate high school so comparatively he's kind of a slacker next to you. Oh and you had three, count them, three doctorates before he got his first. He does have two though, Physics and Chemistry.

Morgan: This is really sounding like our guy, do you have an address?

Garcia: Awww, sugar, you know I do. 2941 Warren Rd. I'm looking at a map and the houses are really far apart like it's sort of rural there.

Reid: What does he drive?

Garcia: He has a 2005 Jeep Cherokee registered in his name.

Morgan: Thanks, Mama.


	9. Chapter 9

**And with this chapter, I am done with this one. Whew! This ended up a bit of a marathon. Hope everyone has enjoyed. Please let me know.-J**

Hotch, Reid and Morgan get out of an SUV in front of Dylan Hadley's home.

Hotch: We don't have enough for a warrant. We just want to talk to him and hopefully we can get him to divulge something that will get us a warrant. That's why you're here, Reid. We need another genius to talk to him.

As they approach the house, Morgan stops and signals for the others to stop too.

Morgan: Do you hear that? You were the prosecutor Hotch but I'm pretty sure those screams are exigent circumstances that give us suspected reasoning to enter the house without a warrant.

Hotch nods in agreement and quickly calls for back up and an ambulance. The three agents retreat to the SUV to don vests and wait for the back up. In moments they are joined by the rest of the team, local police and SWAT.

No longer needing to concern themselves with niceties and rules of evidence, exceptions to fourth amendment search and seizure being met, Morgan breaks down the door.

Hotch: Dylan Hadley! FBI!

There is a noise from a room adjacent and the agents cautiously follow it to find themselves in the kitchen. Another noise comes from the stairs that are now visible heading downward; that noise followed by renewed screaming. Hotch nods to Morgan and the agents descend the stairs with Hotch and Morgan leading the way. In the basement they find Dylan Hadley dragging Bridget Newsome across the dirt floor by her hair. Garcia is right, if one squinted, a lot, Dylan does look a bit like Reid, pale and thin with a haunted look in his eyes. Beyond those similarities, the comparison ends. While Reid stands calmly with his gun drawn determined to save a life, feeling all are valuable, Dylan is wild eyed and determined to inflict as much pain and suffering on those he blames for everything that is not right with his life.

Bridget is fighting with all of the strength she can muster. But she's had no food or water for days and that combined with blood loss and shock from the pain leaves her with not much to muster. Dylan is using Bridget as a shield, holding a knife to her throat. Morgan looks at Hotch who just shakes his head. Between the fact that Dylan is really good at shielding himself and the poor lighting in the subterranean environment, Hotch cannot get a clear shot at Dylan. It is then that Bridget finds a tiny bit of strength, perhaps being bolstered by the knowledge that someone is there to try to save her. She elbows Dylan in the chest causing him to release his grip on her. She tries to run but lacks the physical stability and falls on her face two steps away. Dylan lunges forward in an attempt to grab her. He is still holding the knife but is promptly tackled by Morgan.

* * *

The team is flying home.

Prentiss's voice: "Deep down even the most hardened criminal is starving for the same thing that motivates the innocent baby: love and acceptance."-Lily Fairchilde

Prentiss sits next to Reid.

Prentiss: I don't know about you but that case really got to me.

Reid raises his eyebrows at her.

Prentiss: Okay, fair enough, I know it bothered you too. I just can't always reconcile when I understand so clearly the motives of an unsub.

Reid: We chose this side of things, Emily. No matter how much sense we find in an unsub's motives, we need to remember that the greater sense comes from our actions.

Prentiss: You really are a genius, you know that?

Reid smiles and goes back to his book.

Reid's voice: Truman Capote once wrote of convicted murderer Perry Smith, "It's as if Perry and I grew up in the same house and he went out the back door and I went out the front."

Morgan approaches and stands next to Reid. When he speaks, it is to everyone.

Morgan: I thought you'd all like to know that Angela Bellows is out of her coma and Bridget Newsome is in stable condition.

Reid nods and looks to be satisfied in some way to hear this news. When Morgan speaks again, it is softer and only to Reid.

Morgan: This just printed off for you. I did not read it. It's not addressed to me. If you ever choose to show me, I will read it then.

Reid takes the paper and begins reading to himself.

Voice of Stanley Karsten: Dr. Reid, I know now that is your name. Dr. Spencer Reid, not Tyler. I sadly do not know the names of all of those I hurt. I know I hurt you. I could say I was sick or grieving but that would just be making excuses for the inexcusable. I know what I am about to do is a cowardly thing. I cannot bear the thought of one more day with the knowledge of the things I did. I am sorry for the pain I inflicted upon you. I know that doesn't fix things. I truly hope that you are able to move beyond what happened and have happiness and joy in your life. I'll not ask for forgiveness. I do not deserve it. I'll simply say goodbye.—Stanley.

Reid folds the letter and places it in his book. He knows Maggie will want to read it. He then directs his troubled gaze out the window. His eyes are filled with so many emotions that he lacks the understanding to sort out. So he simply watches the clouds pass by as the jet takes him closer to home.


End file.
